THOSE sneaky Chinese are at it again trying to
throw the Earth's orbit out of whack by jumping up
and down in unison. And unless millions of patriotic
Weekly World News readers do a counter-jump here in
America at precisely the same moment, it could mean
the end of the world!
By GEORGE SANFORD! Weekly World News
For the fifth time in a decade, the Chinese government is forging ahead with a bizarre scheme to topple America by changing the Earth's tilt, the CIA has learned.
"Despite all this talk about China and America being pals now, the truth is those little commie rats hate our guts and they'll try anything to destroy us even if it means risking the lives of everyone on the planet," a high-level CIA official confirmed.
"The Chinese have ordered all 1.2 billion of their people to jump up and down at exactly 4:03 p.m. EST on September 2, to tilt the Earth on its axis just enough that America will be cast into eternal winter. We'll be living in another Ice Age, fighting for survival. Our days as a super-power will be over while China is transformed into a paradise.
"As absolutely crazy as it sounds, our scientists say there's a 45 percent chance it could work and if it fails, there's a 25 percent chance it could send the Earth spiraling out of control and into deep space." The only way for the plot to be foiled, experts say, is for as many people on the other side of the world à North America tojump up and down simultaneously, counteracting the impact of the made-in-China hop.
When the Chinese tried the ploy before in the 1990s, Weekly World News readers rose to the occasion and launched a massive counter- jump that successfully thwarted the evil effort.
But with U.S.-Sino relations warming up, the back-stabbing communists think our nation's guard is down à and they're ready to give it another crack.
Every freedom-loving American must join in the world-saving stunt To participate, stop what you are doing at 4:03 p.m. on September 2, and jump up and down as high as you can for six minutes, say government experts who are spreading the word quietly to avoid mass hysteria.
"Tell your friends, neighbors and co-workers. We need every able-bodied American, man, woman and child on board," says the CIA official.
"There are 285 million Americans in this country and we're far bigger than the Chinese. If we all act as one, we can lick them at their own game."
