Jump for your country!


Established Member
My cousin recently returned from the States with a few pieces of US literature - namely two issues of the high class Weekly World News. For the uninitiated, it appears to be a collection of freak "news" stories. The article titled "Chinese Plot To Knowck The Earth Out Of Orbit" caught my eye and I scanned it in to share it with you.

THOSE sneaky Chinese are at it again trying to

throw the Earth's orbit out of whack by jumping up

and down in unison. And unless millions of patriotic

Weekly World News readers do a counter-jump here in

America at precisely the same moment, it could mean

the end of the world!

By GEORGE SANFORD! Weekly World News

For the fifth time in a decade, the Chinese government is forging ahead with a bizarre scheme to topple America by changing the Earth's tilt, the CIA has learned.

"Despite all this talk about China and America being pals now, the truth is those little commie rats hate our guts and they'll try anything to destroy us even if it means risking the lives of everyone on the planet," a high-level CIA official confirmed.

"The Chinese have ordered all 1.2 billion of their people to jump up and down at exactly 4:03 p.m. EST on September 2, to tilt the Earth on its axis just enough that America will be cast into eternal winter. We'll be living in another Ice Age, fighting for survival. Our days as a super-power will be over while China is transformed into a paradise.

"As absolutely crazy as it sounds, our scientists say there's a 45 percent chance it could work and if it fails, there's a 25 percent chance it could send the Earth spiraling out of control and into deep space." The only way for the plot to be foiled, experts say, is for as many people on the other side of the world Ä North America tojump up and down simultaneously, counteracting the impact of the made-in-China hop.

When the Chinese tried the ploy before in the 1990s, Weekly World News readers rose to the occasion and launched a massive counter- jump that successfully thwarted the evil effort.

But with U.S.-Sino relations warming up, the back-stabbing communists think our nation's guard is down Ä and they're ready to give it another crack.

Every freedom-loving American must join in the world-saving stunt To participate, stop what you are doing at 4:03 p.m. on September 2, and jump up and down as high as you can for six minutes, say government experts who are spreading the word quietly to avoid mass hysteria.

"Tell your friends, neighbors and co-workers. We need every able-bodied American, man, woman and child on board," says the CIA official.

"There are 285 million Americans in this country and we're far bigger than the Chinese. If we all act as one, we can lick them at their own game."

Now can somebody please put my mind to rest - you don't actually take this stuff seriously do you? Nobody actually believes this stuff...do they?
Thats really funny. Those off the wall papers are full of that kind of stuff.

"Bigfoot marries Lock Ness monster. Ceremony took place on the moon" "Exclusive photos on pg 5"
When I was a child, I used to buy a newspaper with that kind of funny stuff. It was named Noticias del Mundo, News of the World in English... what a strange name

Hehe, and every newspaper contained the photo of a very nice -and nude- girl that had an odd story to tell (?). I remember a lady that always heard the sound of bells when she made love and she thought it was completely normal
I read about that time traveller in fark.com. Funny stuff.

If I had a time machine I would go back to when I was 15 and give myself my laptop and pocket pc and then sell them at outlandish prices. Thus becoming the next bill gates.

AH! but why would you ice man, ppl would surely become jealous of your riches and find ways to undermine you, and throw your name in the mud and your products. honestly money isn't everything.