Drug abuse....

GO TO ADMIN PANEL > ADD-ONS AND INSTALL VERTIFORO SIDEBAR TO SEE FORUMS AND SIDEBAR

crystalmethod

New Member
Joined
Dec 8, 2001
Messages
342
Points
16
Age
35
Website
Visit site
Has anyone here ever dealt with someone going through Drug Abuse? One of my best friends is going through it, and I don't know how to deal with it. I have feelings of guilt for allowing it to happen and take what is happening personally. She makes me feel like the problem is my fault and accuses me of not caring and it make sme feel like sh!t. I don' t know where else to turn so I thought that maybe some of the people on SX could help me out. What should I do?
 

Quadriflax

New Member
Joined
Apr 17, 2001
Messages
710
Points
16
Website
www.vgrebirth.org
Dunno how old you're talking, but tell her parents if that's an option. It may seem like an asshole thing to do, but if it's that serious (or could grow to be) then she needs professional help. Even if she hates you forever it's better than her dying.
 

crystalmethod

New Member
Joined
Dec 8, 2001
Messages
342
Points
16
Age
35
Website
Visit site
Well we're both 18 so theres little that mine or her parents can do. I'm confused towards all of this, as cliched as this sounds, the whole situation truly does feel like a dream...err nightmare actually.
 

jim993

New Member
Joined
Nov 25, 2001
Messages
606
Points
16
Website
Visit site
Here's the thing def get her help if it's bad. Don't take any of her anger to heart about you ratting her out. It's going to be a very difficult thing for her to go through and if you care about her so much help her get help.
 

3rdman

New Member
Joined
Jun 12, 2001
Messages
354
Points
16
Age
49
Wow, I was in a very similiar situation a couple of years ago. Naturally, I did everything wrong too. I swore to be there for her through thick and thin and what not. In the end, no amount of begging, reasoning, or coaxing kept her from doing drugs. No amount of NA meetings, boyfriend beatings, or losing her child visitations kept her from her "lost weekends".

No, in the end, she had to hit rock bottom...then and only then did she finally quit. The sad thing that you must realize is that there really is nothing you can do. You see, because unless she WANTS to quit and straighten out her life the only thing you will be to her is an emotional rag for her to dump on.

My advice is to tell her that there is no longer room in your life for drugs and that unless she gets clean she is never to darken your doorstep. Tough love, I know, but it is the only way. I'm in no way saying that you should abadon your friend in her time of need...be there when she wants help...REAL help. If she accepts your help, take her to an NA (Narcotics Anonymous) meeting. There she'll be with people who are going through much of the same problems and (most importantly) it really works. Good luck and keep us informed, ok?
 

Cynnamin

New Member
Joined
May 29, 2001
Messages
598
Points
16
Age
38
Website
www.mindspring.com
Uh, well considering I've been on both sides of this issue... You can't make anyone stop and you can't help them stop until they are willing to stop and accept your help.

A lot of it depends on what she is doing.

If she's doing ecstasy and similarities, give her a year or two and she'll snap out of it if it doesn't kill her first.

If she's smoking pot, you can hope she'll realize how stupid she is making herself and stop using it.

If she's doing coke, she'll most likely have to have the shit scared out of her for her to stop...

If it's heroine, say your prayers now.

Pretty much all you can do is be there for them when they REALLY need you and are willing to accept your help.

Usually, it does require hitting rock bottom before they will stop.

I can almost guarantee you that 90% of her anger that you feel is coming at you is most likely directed at herself, her life, her decisions, or something simliar.
 

Mysticales

New Member
Joined
Nov 15, 2001
Messages
910
Points
16
Least she isnt cutting........

or

Stealing

or

worse....

Its a faze for attention really...
 

mal

Member
Joined
May 14, 2001
Messages
7,123
Points
36
Age
44
Website
Visit site
Originally posted by Cynnamin@April 29 2002,13:52

You can't make anyone stop and you can't help them stop until they are willing to stop and accept your help.
Absolutely right.

Unless they want to quit, you're not going to get anywhere.
 

mtxblau

Mid Boss
Joined
Apr 30, 2001
Messages
1,704
Points
36
Age
38
Website
comprak.net
The main thrust of this is, then, to allow her to realize that this isn't the situation she wants to be in - and that you're not going to stand around and allow it to happen.

Good luck, H2B.
 

crystalmethod

New Member
Joined
Dec 8, 2001
Messages
342
Points
16
Age
35
Website
Visit site
Thanks so much for al your help guys. You have no idea how much it means to know I'm not the only one dealing with these issues. For the record, the drug in question is coke, and yes I agree, Cyannimin, having the shit scared out of you maybe be the only way. So, would cutting her out of my life till she recover the best way to help?

Edit: P.S. Mysticales, there was a time in her life when she was cutting....
 

ExCyber

Staff member
Joined
Aug 8, 2001
Messages
4,014
Points
36
Age
37
So, would cutting her out of my life till she recover the best way to help?
I doubt it. At least keep an eye on her if it's at all feasible - ignoring the problem isn't going to make it go away, and people in desperate situations tend to act irrationally and sometimes self-destructively; someone (not necessarily you, but leaving her without anyone trustworthy to turn to - or, more to the point, leaving her thinking that nobody is willing to help - is a bad idea) needs to be there to help if it gets so bad that she'll literally do anything just for hope of changing the situation somehow. If she's blaming you for "the problem" as you say, then she presumably sees it as a problem. While that's the first step to recovery, it's also not a fun place to be - knowing that there's a problem and feeling like you're helpless to fix it is unbelievably depressing.

Note: I'm not a psychologist, and I've never dealt with drug abuse/addiction; this is extrapolated from personal experience with mental illness.
 

Falstaf

New Member
Joined
Feb 13, 2002
Messages
636
Points
16
Age
59
Had a friend who would do anything if she thought she would get a buzz including crystal, coke, weed, pain killers and inhalents. Cyn is right. They won't stop until they're ready. I eventually had to cut her out of my life. Too bad, too sad but I got tired of bailing her out and having too take her to her court appearence so as not to loose my investment. It's a hard decision but sometimes the only one for your own sanity.
 

3rdman

New Member
Joined
Jun 12, 2001
Messages
354
Points
16
Age
49
ExCyber, I see what you are saying but nobody here is really saying to abandon the poor girl. Drug abusers, in a way, are not in complete control over their actions. My friend (who also was a vicim to coke and ecstacy) took advantage of me at every turn and usually without forethought. She even lost custody of her child because of drugs.

I guess what I mean to say is that you can't reason with someone who is not themselves. You can't help them if they don't want help. To be blunt, by offering help to someone who doesn't want it, you support their addiction. I learned this the hard way. If she asks for help, then you give it...and you give it your all. But until then...
 

Mysticales

New Member
Joined
Nov 15, 2001
Messages
910
Points
16
Well look, she WAS cutting, nothing you did made her stop, same here.....either she will become a true junkie or she will stop. BUT you may keep after her....i would..(have before to others) she will explain that she wont stop, so what keep on her....
 

maidtina

New Member
Joined
Mar 15, 2002
Messages
425
Points
16
Age
39
Website
Visit site
I'd say to sit her down and talk to her, listen to her and be uderstanding, try to get her to admit she has a problem and that she should quit. Then talk to your local GP, Citizen's advice bureau, Samaritans or whatever it is you have in your country for advise. Then if all else fails, Cold Turkey. A room with a bed and a bolted door. It will take at least a day or two tor something like heroin and there is also the chance of a relapse with that one, it is very hard to get a heroin user to quit permanantly. Dont bother with methodone - its a dead loss from what i hear. If you want i will do a little digging on the subject. Also be strong. Its not your fault so dont feel like shit. Remind this girl that this is the drugs talking and she needs to quit. .

Its all i can offer for now. Abandonin her is the worst possible thing. I lost contact with someone at school who was into some serious stuff, tho i didnt know it at the time. Nobody knows if she is alive or dead now. its not a good feeling to have. I truly hope you manage to get her off the stuff.
 

Quadriflax

New Member
Joined
Apr 17, 2001
Messages
710
Points
16
Website
www.vgrebirth.org
One word: intervention. The longer you wait the more you risk an overdose or worse. Coke highs are followed by intense depression, and I can only imagine they get worse as you need more and more of the drug to get you high. If this is a cry for attention (as is often the case with self destructive behavior) then they already want help, they just may not admit it, even to themselves. A group of close relatives and friends telling her exactly how they feel might be enough to make her realize people care, and that people will be there for her during her difficult recovery. Waiting for her to come up to you and ask for help is risky.
 

Myname

Member
Joined
Mar 27, 2002
Messages
1,308
Points
36
Website
Visit site
About 6 months ago I was literally a vegetable in a mental ward for a few weeks, not all of it was drugs but certainly a large portion and even now I'm a hell of a long way from being my normal self what with panic attacks and the like (I've had a splitting headache for all those 6 months as well as loud ringing in my ears) so I guess you could say I have some experience. I really think we have to know what the drug involved is before we can give you any advice, since it differs so much from drug to drug. I think the most basic thing is to find out why they do it (easier said than done) and try to change the root of it rather than deal with this short-term situation. If they come off drug X then they'll go on to drug Y if their reasons for doing it haven't changed.
 

crystalmethod

New Member
Joined
Dec 8, 2001
Messages
342
Points
16
Age
35
Website
Visit site
I always thought that what she was doing was a cry for attention. She believes the world is out to get her and that no one cares for her. Drugs are her way of sorting through things apparently but I honestly think it's deeper then just that. The girl admittedly had psychological issues which I'm not even sure of. I want to help her but she doesn't think rationally and the things she says are just so characteristic of a substance abuse problem. "I have nothing else to live for" Feelings of worthlessness and everything. I'm scared that if I sit by idly she'll destroy herself, but if I help I'm just hurting myself. Having to watch her suffer and fail and tell me where to go every night, it gets to you....
 

Quadriflax

New Member
Joined
Apr 17, 2001
Messages
710
Points
16
Website
www.vgrebirth.org
Originally posted by crystalmethod@April 28 2002,14:55

I'm scared that if I sit by idly she'll destroy herself, but if I help I'm just hurting myself.
Hurting yourself? If that's your only reason for not doing something that's just foolish (no offense). First, this is NOT your fault. She made the decisions that got her where she is. Second, you are NOT the one who needs to solve this problem. Unless you're a trained rehabilitator there's no way you're going to magically solve her problems. You are, however, in a position to bring this situation to light and get her help from the right people. Third, it's normal to be scared. This is a serious situation. Just don't panic, that will only make things worse.

So sure, you can sit by and say nothing, afraid of losing her friendship. Or, you can potentially save her life. Think how you would feel if she died. I had a friend try to kill himself a little over a year ago. I saw the signs and I did nothing to help. It's a damn good thing he's okay or I'd be living with that on my shoulders forever. I still feel bad about that. I couldn't even imagine how bad I'd feel if he was gone. If she's really your friend, you'll get her help. This is IMHO of course, and you're old enough to make your own decisions too. Good luck.
 
Top