I suppose you are right about the name thing, but ah well. While we are on the subject of commiting felonies, why not just do something that wont permenantly hurt them, but will fuck them up. Grab one of them, beat him around, then drive him cross country, and dump him in the woods. If he survives, he wont ever be the same again. If he doesnt, well, hey, its not your fault he doesnt have woodland survival instincts like a real man should.