How do you handle breaking up in a relationship?

[gameboy900]

Well after 1 and a half years my relationship with my perfect woman is over. She has decided to leave me for someone else. She was my first and only girlfriend. I had devoted my life to her. I had done everything I possibly could to make her happy. I even proposed to her. But it seems that things were not the same from her side.

To make a long story short the other guy she is now with she cheated on me with him (not sex or anything, just kissing at that point). Before she told me that she was seeing him she told me that she needed time to herself (a line of course) and that she needed to "figure out what she wants". She was still in love with me but something made her decide to be with him (at least she told me that she still loved me). When I found out it was someone else I nearly died from the shock. I pleaded with her to reconsider her decision not to let the time we spent together go to waste. I begged her (and I still do) to come back to me. But she doesn't feel that way. She says that she deeply regrets making the mistake of seeing the other guy, that she never wanted to hurt me and that she wishes things could be different. But she cannot go back to me (the exact reason for which I have never managed to get out of her).

I love her deeply and if she wanted to come back to me I would take her in an instant. Throughout our relationship she has been nothing but absolutely wonderful to me. She never demanded I buy her stuff, she wanted to help me with my problems just like I did with hers. She was the perfect woman to me and at the time she said the same about me.

But now I sit here with a knife in my right hand, pressed against my left wrist. I don't want to be alone again ( I was a loner before we got together). I feel horrible pain all the time, everything around me reminds me of her. I cannot sleep (lucky if I get an hour a day), I'm taking pills and drinking herbal teas to try to keep my body from destroying itself. I throw up on a regular basis and I cannot keep food down. I have lost 15 pounds in the past 2 weeks because of this, and now in a health fashion. Everytime I drive my car I pray someone hits me and kills me. I cannot watch tv because inevitably some add or show comes up about some happy couple (most recently a commercial for the movie Just Married). I have lost my purpose in life. I have lost all motivation to go on.

I'm sure some of you out there have gone through similar things. I could use good advice now, I need good advice. I fear that I might end up hurting myself or worse yet her. I fear I will never be able to turn my life around. I feel so helpless. So scared. So unloved.

 

[racketboy]

It can be hard getting over that first girl.

Just let me say, it's not worth doing anything drastic or harmful.

If she was cheating on you, that's not the kind of relationship you really want to get back into.

And from experience I can say that you can have someone that you think is THE ONE, break up, get over her, and find someone EVEN BETTER, and then marry the greatest girl in the world.

Right now, I suggest avoid being alone and/or letting your mind wander. Hang out with some other people or play some Sega or something to get yourself thinking about other things. it will help the healing process.

Best of luck!

 

[joe81]

I've been in the same situation also i've been on the reverse side of this situation.

most recently this girl was cheating with me on her boyfriend keeps me around for some reason dont know why yet she cheats on me also so she basically cheats on 2 guys that really care for her. so i stopped talking to her yes it's hard i really did like her a lot. But i realized like the above that it's not the end of the world as time goes on things happen that you dont expect. you'll find somebody better sure this person seemed like they were the one but you'll find somebody. also just leave her a lone who the hell knows maybe sometime later she'll change and realize what she lost but if you're with somebody better don't go back to her. My friend once liked this girl alot cheated on her went out with many other people but then changed and then realized that the girl was what he wanted they're together now and talking about marriage. shit happens you just have to live through it.

Gold isnt all nice when it comes out of the ground it has to go through fire to become the final product

 

[Nadius]

The last relationship i was, in hindsight, terrible. It was basically me fooling around with this girl who couldn't admit to even liking me in that way. It really makes me laugh now, but i felt pretty bad after she left.

My friend's relationship with his girlfriend is probably hardest to understand. He and his girl friend fool around with other people, and they tell each other that they love each other. That makes me laugh too, people throwing that word around.

I agree with RacketBoy, just find someone to hang out with or talk with, find something to keep you busy. I find myself writing when my mind wanders back to her. And friends seem like the greatest in the world when they tell me that there is better out there. I know there is... but i found that she's a whole lotta things that i want in a girl, but I can still go out with some one who isn't her, because it is after all, just dating.

Keep on keepin' on.

 

[gameboy900]

Thank you all for your kind advice. I feel really help less right now. The problem is that I have been a loner for all my life. I have 1 friend and he's 400km away in another city. I have no social life as it stands. I can't seem to occupy my mind in any way.

Unfortunately, I did cut myself with that knife. I managed to make myself stop before it went too deep but I did draw blood. I have fallen into a dark pit of despair and I'm afraid I might do something to myself again like this. Later this week I'm going to the doctor to get some anti-depresants and something strong for my nerves. I need to for now take pills to be able to maintain my life somehow. I hope I don't end up hurting myself or worse.

If there is one thing I've learned from all this is that maybe some people should stay alone. I was fine before I got involved with her, not teribly good, but at least I didn't try to slice my wrist with a knife.

I hate my life so much. At the first sign of something good happening to me fate takes it away from me and the pain comes back worse than it was before. This is the second time I've lost someone important to me in my life. The first one was my dog 5 years ago, you cannot imagine the pain I felt when I could feel him breathing for the last time in my arms. That scared look in his eyes. My life is worthless.

 

[IceDigger]

Maybe once the snow all melts we can stop by for a visit to cheer you up

I'm up for a road trip, anybody else? I'm itchin to get out of here.

To Gboys house we go!

Oh yea, an address would help.

And yes, I AM serious about it!

 

[racketboy]

Nobody's life is worthless. God had a plan for each and every one of us. We might not all know what that is exactly, nor do we always choose the correct path, but there is a purpose in our lives.

Honestly, once you get past this, you will see how insignificant situations like this are. When you're in the middle of it, you are simply clouded by emotions. Once you see through those emotions, that is when you can actually analyze the situation and move on.

 

[racketboy]

Originally posted by IceMan2k@Jan. 06 2003, 5:43 pm

Maybe once the snow all melts we can stop by for a visit to cheer you up

I'm up for a road trip, anybody else? I'm itchin to get out of here.

To Gboys house we go!

Oh yea, an address would help.

And yes, I AM serious about it!

yeah man, we're all your friends -- even though you can't reach out and hit us upside the head, we are all hear for you.

 

[Zziggy00]

Originally posted by racketboy@Jan. 05 2003, 6:47 pm

Nobody's life is worthless. God had a plan for each and every one of us. We might not all know what that is exactly, nor do we always choose the correct path, but there is a purpose in our lives.

Honestly, once you get past this, you will see how insignificant situations like this are. When you're in the middle of it, you are simply clouded by emotions. Once you see through those emotions, that is when you can actually analyze the situation and move on.

1) your first part i believe is not entirely true, there is no proff to back this up, nor will there ever be... don't rule your ideas out, but at the same time don't ignore the real possibility that the galaxy, earth, and everything inside it of it, is just a large cosmic happen so, and that we are drifting around sensely for no other point than the fact that we were born and that we live our lives for no reason.

2)I agree with you completely there (

). Why would you ever want a woman back when she cheats on you anyways, no matter how much you loved her, she obviosuly won't be loyal to you in the future so be thankful this happened now and not later on down the road. Move on...

 

[racketboy]

Originally posted by Zziggy00+Jan. 06 2003, 6:03 pm--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Zziggy00 @ Jan. 06 2003, 6:03 pm)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-racketboy@Jan. 05 2003, 6:47 pm

Nobody's life is worthless. God had a plan for each and every one of us. We might not all know what that is exactly, nor do we always choose the correct path, but there is a purpose in our lives.

1) your first part i believe is not entirely true, there is no proff to back this up, nor will there ever be... don't rule your ideas out, but at the same time don't ignore the real possibility that the galaxy, earth, and everything inside it of it, is just a large cosmic happen so, and that we are drifting around sensely for no other point than the fact that we were born and that we live our lives for no reason.[/b][/quote]

Well according to what I believe in, there is proof -- it's called the Bible

I'm not forcing my beliefs on anyone, but I just thought I would mention it.

I think any further discussion on the matter would be off topic though -- no hard feelings, as usual

 

[Gaz_2_k]

Maybe once the snow all melts we can stop by for a visit to cheer you up

I'm up for a road trip, anybody else? I'm itchin to get out of here.

To Gboys house we go!

Oh yea, an address would help.

And yes, I AM serious about it!

Hell i'd go too....but someone has to hlp me get enough money for the Air-Fair to get the states!

 

[IceDigger]

I think he's from Canada

 

[crystalmethod]

Man can I relate. Do you guys want a story of despair? Take a listen to this, if you can. This could get rathe rlong, but I'm sure it'll make you chuckle.

I was involved with a girl for two years. She was horrible, a drug addict, cheated on me, lied to me, faked a pregnancy. Worse yet, I never really had feelings for her. I just stuck around cuz I was afraid I had no one else.

I finally meet a new girl and get the courage to leave the old one. This new girl is incredible....literally the girl of my dreams. I get those feelings inside of me when I'm with her....she just makes me incredibly happy and eliminates all the horrible problems I had in my life. I really think she's the one....I can't stress how right things feel when I'm with her. Better yet...she feels the same way about me!

Okay so the problem....see, she's my ex-girlfriend's (the crackwhore's) close friend! Ah-ha! Betcha weren't expecting that one? Needless to say, Christmas day she tells me she can't go on lieing to her friend about me, and refuses to tell her the truth. Therefore, I'm gone. Wait, its not over. I get depressed for the next few days, I stay out all nite with my friends getting my mind off her...but she won't leave. She finds a new guy.

4 days later, she calls me. she's depressed cuz the new guy doesn't compare to me. She says things will never go as well as they do between us. Fair enough, I figure. So we start to talk again and without actually discussing anything we get back to where we were. She tells me she cares about me and that I make her happier then anyone. Just got off the phone with her now and apparently...she's confused about her feelings and doesn't feel as strongly as I feel for her. Tells me we should be friends. Not friends like you and me mind you, friends that sleep together and get intimate and talk everyday. But I repeat NOT A GIRLFRIEND as in a relationship....what the difference is, I'll never know.

In any case, she says she wants to give this a shot to see what happens while she sees where things go with this new guy. So I'm sitting here depressed as hell cuz the girl of my dreams is within my grasp, but not quite mine.

Sorry for the long post, but man oh man have I needed to get this out. Oh and thanks to whoever read this, shows someone cares about me after all, (besides the girl that apparently does).

 

[joe81]

god damn girls(hell we're no better but what ever the fuck)

oh ya got to love the let's be pseudo boyfriend girlfriend.

game i know how you feel seems life picks you up only to drop you from a higher place(i have many more lines that describe depression hell someobody on here wanted to quote me for some sort of school project first and last time i gave out my real name to somebody on the internet) but at least you are taking steps to correct your problem. there are many people out there that never seek help (i'm one) but what ever at least you are. cheer up happiness will come some day just keep waiting for it and hell when you think of it you eventually die anyway so what the fuck might as well live it up some. I'm hoping for cancer for i know i only have one mounth to live during that mounth i will take over the world.

 

[Gear]

Originally posted by crystalmethod@Jan. 07 2003, 1:06 am

Tells me we should be friends. Not friends like you and me mind you, friends that sleep together and get intimate and talk everyday. But I repeat NOT A GIRLFRIEND as in a relationship....what the difference is, I'll never know.

apparently does).

The main difference is that in front of her family & friends, you are NOTHING compared to her real boyfriend.

This is good if you aren't looking for something serious; but in your case you should be used to xtreme levels.

By the way, why are some of you so attached to fates and life meanings?

 

[Ammut]

Ahh man, what an uplifting topic ???

I'm sorry to hear of your troubles, A great number of suicides are a result in relationships ending- just don't be another statistic.

Life Sucks. You'll get over it, it just takes time.Life will go on 'Insert other lame quotes that'll make you feel better here'

Man, nothing is worth killing yourself over-especially not when you're young. This is you're first relationship-there will be more, some better, some worse, you just need to realize that you don't need her. You may think you do at this moment, but soon she'll be but a distant memory, simply another learning experience in your life. All you need now is to make yourself happier-whatever gives you pleasure, indulge. Play games for a week, eat 4 litres of ice cream-just get your mind of it and have fun. Life isn't always pretty roses, you have to deal with the shit that is thrown at you along the way. Not that it'll do much to soothe your pain now but it sounds like this chick really wasn't right for you anyway-you were looking into it very seriously while she wanted to just do whatever, I'm sure you'll find the woman you're looking for someday and when she has mutual feelings its a WAY better relationship and you'll know it.Your life is not worthless, you just have invested so much in the relationship that you feel that all of that was wasteful and a large part of your life is now gone- understandable, but nothing to kill yourself over. Think of it as a new chapter in your life, (don't worry, Im running out of frikking clichés here) sure you don't know what's ahead but its gonna be better than what you feel right now.

And I'm in for a road trip too, maybe I could pick up Gaz_2_k along the way since I'm also from the great country that is Canada.

Hope you feel better

---Ammut

 

[Lyzel]

I strongly agree. This is nothing. Don't let it get to you. You will eventually see the light. There are thousand of girls out there waiting for that right guy. Just because you're a loner doesn't mean you will always be one. Go to the movies, the arcade, etc, etc. Anything that will get your minds away from her. Rememeber, we are guys.. we are superior than women

They are just our toys.. heheehehhehehe

Take it easy, otherwise I will have to go there and kick your ass just to get you to your senses.

 

[racketboy]

hey Gameboy, are you in college yet?

that's a great place to meet girls.

I sat by my wife in 1st-hour freshman English

 

[gameboy900]

Once again I would like to thank you all for your support with this. It helps knowing that people understand what I'm going through.

IceMan2K

As for your roadtrip idea. I don't really know how I would feel about it right now. Maybe things will get better for me in a few months.

crystalmethod

I can relate to how you're feeling. That is almost exactly what has happened to me now. Unfortunately in my case it seems that the new guy won. I still believe that she loves me and wants to be with me (she told me she misses me last night) but she feels trapped by her decisions and doesn't know how to undo them.

Ammut

I wish I could do all those things you describe but everything I try ends up in more pain. I can't watch tv because I end up seeing some happy couple and that kills me more. Movies are the same, especially with all the romantic ones out now. I can't concentrate on video games, which to me is bad enough. I don't have a job (and I don't think I'm in a stable mindset now to even attempt getting one) so I spend most of my day alone at home while my parents are at work. If I go out of my house there is always something that reminds me of the times we spent together and I cannot help but start to cry (not just simple tears, but the painful crying you get when something horrible happens to you). I hate my bed now, we spent many hours in it and now I can't stand to even walk into my room. My car is the same. Everytime I drive onto the highway I remember how I used to take the same route to go to her house. I can't go to the mall because I remember all the things we did there all the stores we went to. Even when I go to school I cry becuase I remember how she came by to pick me up. Or the fact that my class happens to be in the same room as before, the room where she was with me several times. I look at the seats where we sat and I can "see" us there happy holding each other. It's horrible.

Lyzel

Please come here and kick my ass. I need something like that right now. I need something to take my mind of things.

racketboy

I'm in university now. Last year. I only have one course left before I can graduate. Unfortunately my university is made up of 90% commuter students. So nobody ever sticks around. Most of the people I see have been in the same groups they were in high school and they don't let strangers in. I'm also very shy (something I'm trying to work on without great success) so that makes it that much harder for me to just walk up to a person. I fear rejection, might even have a phobia of it. I feel extremely uncomfortable conversing with someone if I don't have any information that I can use (about them or a common topic). Like I mentioned before I only have 1 friend (not counting people from here and especially the VGR irc channel). I'm really a sad person. Life seems empty to me.

Falling in love was the greatest thing that ever happened to me...and now it's the worst thing too.

I guess my condition is not helped by the extreme stress I'm under now. Not only did I loose the love of my life, but the single course in university I'm taking is THE hardest class in the computer science program. Not to mention the fact that I already failed this course once. The stress is unberable and I'm at a breaking point right now (as my almost successful suicide proves).

God help me.

 

[racketboy]

What class is it?

I was a computer science major too. I know how frustrating it can be

I also used to be pretty shy too. At one point I just decided to act like myself more and just forget about other people think.

Also, after I asked a girl or two out and got a little more experience, I also got more confidence with girls and started to get more "un-shy".